Listen up boys and I'll tell you the secret to the first-night-home loving

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Sarah Long arrived in Australia from the UK in early 2010 and met her Mr Miner soon after. They're based in Sydney and he does drive-in, drive-out (DIDO) to Orange in country NSW. Sarah came out to Oz as part of a six-month backpacking trip around the world, and never went home!

For all the mining men reading this, I’m going to tell you a secret. I’m going to give away one little tip that could even save your relationship one day (or at least stop you sleeping on the couch). There’s one simple trick to turn a woman on. Listen closely boys, it’s true.

I’m not breaking any girl code by telling you this, there’s none of this 'women are complicated' business. This trick is so simple and it will only take 30 seconds if you do it properly, although just to be sure, you should go a bit longer. It won’t cost you a cent and you don’t even have to take your clothes off – or hers for that matter (sorry boys)!

All you need to do is kiss her! Yes, that’s it. One simple smooch is all you need.

I have been carrying out a study, well actually it's more like a survey (and by survey I mean gossiping with the girls) and I have found that no matter who the woman is, no matter what her particular turn on is, a kiss can make a huge difference.

You guys write off the kiss pretty quickly. At 15 years old, it’s all you know and therefore all you want to do (that and see boobs). But it’s as if there’s not quite enough sexual memory in your heads - and once you learn one trick you have to let another go. A couple of years in and you’ve forgotten all but the very basics – just wait for next month’s column 'Where did all the oral sex go?'

I will cut you some slack and take back my 'women aren’t complicated' comment, because sometimes we are. And when you come home from time away with only one thing on your mind, it’s not that it’s not on our mind too. But so are a million other things, especially if we haven’t spoken for a few days.

We’re thinking about what we’re going to cook you for dinner and whether we have enough time to fit it in; when we need to be up for work tomorrow and whether we ironed a shirt; why you’re home an hour later than we thought you’d be; what we’ve got planned for the weekend and how to break it to you that you have to go out for dinner with our girlfriends. And the list goes on.

And while our minds are racing at a million miles a minute, there you are going straight for what you want and forgetting everything else. Your hands are heading south quicker than Justin Bieber’s good boy image and our minds are racing to find the right thought, scanning like a radio trying to find the right frequency. Because whereas you get a hard on at the slightest hint of cleavage (and for that we love you), we need to use our heads and picture the scene carefully with all our concentration.

But thoughts collide and we hit a wall; the panic sets in and we realise we’re not turned on, despite having fantasized about this moment all day, and you’re about to find that out too. Then you’ll get cranky and ask what’s wrong.

Then we’ll get cranky that you’re cranky because we’ve really missed you too, we’ve missed your touch and that intimacy. But having had time by ourselves (or even with the kids) we’re not ready to just be pawed at.

So slow down, give us a moment, listen to what we want. Bring back the kiss and let your lips ground us, tune us in, stop the world spinning too fast so that we can concentrate on what we want to be thinking about – you.

Because afterwards we will let you roll over and snore. We won’t make you listen to details and plans for the weekend, work woes and household chore lists. We will let you sleep that unconscious post-night-shift sleep as our minds still race. But our bodies are now calm and contented, because you’re home and we’re happy ... and it’s all down to one little kiss.

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