Sex confessions of a DIDO miner's girlfriend

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Hi! I'm Sarah Long. I arrived in Australia from the UK in early 2010 and met my Mr Miner soon after. We're based in Sydney and he does drive-in, drive-out (or DIDO) to Orange in country NSW. I came out here as part of a six-month backpacking trip around the world, and never went home!

This weekend we're moving house and I'm excited. It might be one of the most stressful things you can do, but I can't wait to get away from our moaning neighbour. And the main reason he's been complaining? (Mum, please stop reading here…)

It's because, apparently, we have sex too loudly.

Now, don't get the wrong idea, our sex life is not like some scene from an x-rated movie. In fact, we don't even reach the Sex and the City standards (unless you count doing it with the lights on!)

These complaints from the neighbour wouldn't even bother me, except that the first time he slipped a note under our door was at 10pm on a weekday evening, and we were only doing it because we were sick of lying in bed listening to HIS television blaring Julia Gillard's voice through our paper-thin wall. The way he carried on, you'd think we were putting on some kind of King's Cross Spectacular every night. But at that point in time I couldn't really remember the last time we'd had sex. Between moving house, moving jobs and Mr Miner being away for 50 per cent of the time, I don't think we'd really had that many opportunities.

That's the trouble with being in any kind of long-distance relationship: you always have a limited amount of time to fit everything in. And although sex takes priority at the start of a relationship (remember locking the door as soon as he got home and not opening it until it was time for him to go back to work?) soon the boring-but-necessary stuff, like moving house, tends to take over.

But the best thing about being in a mining relationship (and the thing we tend to forget) is it’s harder to get stuck in a rut – or not the same kind of nine-to-five rut anyway. There’s no chance of slipping into the pattern of only having sex at the weekend or on a Friday night, because that pattern is impossible.

Don’t get me wrong: working around a roster can mean sticking to a schedule. But if you can’t have sex whenever you want, then you’re much more likely to want it.

It’s like going on a diet - how much more do you want chocolate when you know you can’t have it? If you have chocolate all the time, there’s no yearning, no build up and you just stick to the usual routine of always having some at 3pm with a cup of tea at your desk.

Similarly, always having sex on a Friday night, in bed, with the lights out, after a bottle of wine.

A lot of people worry about sex, particularly under the stress of a FIFO or DIDO relationship and don’t want to talk about it. But the truth is that those of us in long-distance relationships are at an advantage. Absence doesn’t just make the heart grow fonder! It’s time that we harness this opportunity that people in 'normal' relationships don’t have.

It’s no secret among my group of friends that I have a high sex drive. But there are still times when I feel too tired, too bloated, or can’t seem to stop staring at the ceiling, wondering whether I remembered to get the chicken out of the freezer. I can’t do it with the TV on, because no matter what else is happening, I can’t tune out. And there are times when I just don’t want to have sex - but as far as I am aware this is normal!

On Valentine’s Day, while my friends received flowers and romantic dinners for two, Mr Miner bought me a vibrator. Now I know what you’re thinking, my friends thought it too. Their reactions varied from mild disgust, to bemusement, to laughing their heads off.

It’s not a very romantic gift choice I know, but we don’t really go in for Valentine’s Day romance and, for me, it means that he knows me. He knows how important a good sex life is to me, and most importantly it shows me that he still finds me sexy. I look at it this way: what’s a better compliment than a man saying he wants to spend more time pleasuring you?

Now, I’m not telling everyone to go out and buy a sex toy to  make the most of the time they have with their partner. I know from my friend’s reactions that it’s not for everyone, but there are plenty of ways to take advantage of that precious and exciting time you get to spend together.

If you’re worried about something in your sex life, TELL HIM. Don’t make yourself feel worse by bottling it up. Treat yourself to something nice, whether it’s a new hair colour, new underwear or a pedicure. I guarantee you’ll feel sexier.

And finally, don’t worry about what everyone else is doing or what anyone else thinks. If you want to do it at 10pm on a weekday night for no other reason but the fact he’s at home, then go for it.
So, although I might have a stressful weekend of moving ahead of me, at least I can get excited about Mr Miner coming home at the weekend. I just know that he’ll have a great cure for all my stress ... and there won’t be anyone to complain about it!

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