More sex, less nagging? Sure, I'm happy to try that...
Sarah Long arrived in Australia from the UK in early 2010 and met her Mr Miner soon after. They're based in Sydney and he does drive-in, drive-out (DIDO) to Orange in country NSW. Sarah came out to Oz as part of a six-month backpacking trip around the world, and never went home!
"I think you just really like nagging," he said.
Or to be more accurate, he shouted from his horizontal position on the sofa, into the kitchen where I was busy cooking not only dinner, but also baking muffins for him to take to work.
This was Mr Miner's response to my moaning about the fact that although he had done a small amount of washing up, he had neglected to empty the clean things from the dishwasher, which were still gleaming brightly through the open dishwasher door in the middle of the kitchen.
OK, there is some truth in his comment. I like things a certain way (generally clean and tidy) and when he is home he is prone to making a mess, which he somehow doesn't seem to notice.
I know we are not the only mining couple like this.
It’s like a reflex action: I just can’t help pointing out his slovenliness when I see clothes on the floor, dishes on the side and plates in the lounge when I get home from work, particularly at this time of year when we’re all tired and ready for a holiday. Sometimes I think about setting up a time-lapse camera to see the activity I get through on a Thursday night compared to what he achieves in a whole day off!
But I do take offense to the term nagging. I know it’s the common word for this kind of social interaction, but I feel like it’s generally used by men to make the ladies in their lives out to be the bad guys and hopefully shut them up. In the case of the FIFO lifestyle, this seems extra unfair, seeing as they’re the ones coming in and turning our usually tidy, peaceful homes into chaotic man caves.
So, I’m already wound up by the term nagging when he goes and sticks the knife in with his next comment: "We’d probably have more sex if you didn't nag so much." Ouch!
Fair point, my love. It’s far more likely that my desire to live in a clean house stops us having sex, rather than the fact that you’re too lazy to even sit up and turn the TV down to tell me this startling bit of information, let alone muster the energy to lay on the bedroom moves.
Combine that with the fact that being called a nag makes a woman feel about as sexy and attractive as scrubbing public toilets, and the boy’s definitely on to something!
I was still sweating on the nagging comment the next day on the way home from work (because I am an obsessive compulsive as well as a nag!) and thinking that there must be another side to this more nagging/less sex correlation. In other words, he can’t be right, can he?
The trained journalist in me quickly types into Google, 'women who have less sex nag more'. Surely there’s something in that? Sex, after all, makes us feel happier and more relaxed, so the more you have the happier you’d be, right? Nobody feels like nagging straight after a good roll around the bed!
But no such results and research come up to support my theory. Instead I find article after article supporting Mr Miner’s reasoning (please don’t tell him!)
The very first article was even titled "Being a Better Wife: Less Nagging and More Sex". Most articles focused on how to stop nagging your husband, the majority of which were written by women.
So let me get this straight? I should not expect him to do anything around the house and not care about the mess he makes, and THEN I should be sexy while ignoring piles of dirty dishes and laundry?
My university boyfriend lived in a house with eight other rugby players. I have been there and done that, thank you very much, and I don’t think my former tactic of being really drunk is going to work here … although, having said that…
I am not a 1950s housewife trying to please my husband (we’re not even freaking married!) I was born in the UK in the '80s, a decade of not only power dressing, but powerful women in charge and I am not signing up to the theory that we should be sucking up to our other halves to get what we want.
But it's obvious that nagging is not the solution anyone wants, so when he texts me on his first night back at work, I decide to try a different approach:
MM: Is there any mail for me? (because as well as cleaner, I also act his occasional secretary)
Me: No just a dishwasher full of clean plates (smartarse comment)
Him: But I washed up the other stuff ... (Now where have I heard that before?)
Me: You are so good at making me feel happy and unstressed when you want to. It’s totally up to you if you choose to do it or not… (new tactic)
Ten minutes later and he texts of picture of a beautiful seafood restaurant beside the water, which we are apparently going to on his next break.
Who says nagging doesn’t pay? I know what I said about sucking up, but I like to think of this more as subtle manipulation.
And after oysters and champagne, who knows where the night will lead? Let the "More Sex, Less Nagging" experiment begin!
More from Sarah:
- When opposites attract
- Life lessons from a Wonder Woman who knew what was important
- It’s not all about the money!
- Shaved legs, painted nails and sexy PJs: it's fly-in day!
- Beating the loneliness blues when your partner works away
- Why I'm sick of 'cheating miner' stories
- Listen up boys and I'll tell you the secret to the first-night-home loving
- Things that go bump in the night
- FIFO does get easier – here’s why!
- 2014 – my year of positivity
- Burns survivor Turia Pitt on staying strong, the love of family and the importance of goals
- Work hard, smile and join in - how my parents prepared me for life
- Three-word phrases for simple communication
- The guilty pleasures of a woman left alone
- Help - I've started to nag my miner about marriage
- Goodbye is always the hardest word
- Don't be lonely when your miner's away. Enjoy precious 'me time' instead
- How to handle food intolerances when you work FIFO
- Lost that loving feeling? Go back to where it all began
- The great escape: holidaying out of a relationship rut
- Time for a DIDO relationship spring clean
- Reliable, flexible, super-organised ... 10 reasons why mining wives/partners ROCK
- How to make friends and really irritate them
- Relationship rules for DIDO DINKS
- Curse of a DIDO girlfriend: the fear of missing out
- After two years, a DIDO relationship is still love on steroids
- Body clocks and DIDO rosters: a rather stressful combination
- How anxiety counselling changed my life and prepared me for Mr Miner
- Making new friends - an essential tool in mining life
- Here's why I don't talk to Mr Miner while he's away at the mine site
- Sex confessions of a DIDO miner's girlfriend
- Roses are red and DIDO rosters make me blue
- Mixed emotions and my first mining Christmas
- All you need is trust
- How to make your own Prince Charming
- The guilty pleasure of 'man moaning' about my Mr Miner
- Down days and risotto
- How I met my miner
- Making your own life in a mining town
- So what's Orange really like?
If you've got a question for Sarah or would like to tell your own tale about mining life, we'd love to hear from you. Click here!