By Nicole Ashby

Remember when your partner first started working on the mines? Remember all the on-site jargon and acronyms that were thrown around in conversations - and how hard it all was to understand? I do. 

My husband started FIFO three years ago.  He works on an oil rig, which is generally in the middle of the ocean. I vividly remember our early conversations ... he would use all these crazy acronyms like AD, BOP and OIM and I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.  He would chatter about drill bits and drill pipes, the derrick, roughnecks, roustabouts and MUD!  Initially I was confused and asked for explanations. But later I found myself wishing he would change topics or wondering how long he was going to talk about these things, as I could not relate to them at all.  (Similar to when a teacher is teaching you something at school and you are not the least bit interested in the topic.)

I knew this was a bit of blip on our communication radar. I tried to ask questions but could not picture them in my head. Without a visual understanding, it was difficult for me to make the links.

Then one day, maybe 12 months later, my husband came home with a short edited movie that one of his workmates had made about the rig he was working on. Well, for me it was like turning on the light switch! I could finally see all of these things that he was talking about.  And you know what: I was interested, very interested.  I remember saying, "Wow!! Is that where the helicopter has to land?" and "Is that really where you sleep?" I saw the derrick and knew what a Roughneck and Roustabout had to do.  Then I saw the Blow Out Preventer (BOP) and saw these massive flames shooting out of it.  I began to realise the importance of this piece of machinery and that if something went wrong with it, then there would be major problems.  I was absolutely enthralled with what I saw and realised my lack of understanding.  An oil rig is an impressive piece of engineering - with all the added bits such as heli-pads and three cranes, it's one mammoth piece of machinery.

Our kids watched the video, too, and gained such an insight into Dad's life.  No longer did my three-year-old think and believe that Daddy worked on the plane because that is where we took him to "go to work".  We got to see the overalls and hard hat and all the big equipment.  It was simply amazing.  The kids were impressed to see the helicopter land and thought their Dad was super cool to fly in a helicopter just to go to work.

Not only was it amazing, but it meant that the blip on our communication radar was no more.  I now understand his working conditions and the terminology used, so we can engage in conversations around these things.  My partner feels listened to and validated when we talk and he knows I understand so much more when he talks about work issues.  My husband spends six months of his life each year on this rig; it is presently where he spends half of his life.  It is up to me to try and understand what he does there.  This strengthens our connection when he is away and makes our relationship stronger.

On the flip side, it is just as important for your partner to understand what you do and what your life entails when he is away at work. Are you a sole parent for the time he/she is away, and if so what added stresses do you have? Are you in paid employment too, as well as caring for the kids? Do you feel isolated or lonely when he/she is away? As the partner running the home base, we are the rock ... the solid base that keeps the family strong.  We transition our partners in and out of the family unit and help to manage that transition for our children. If your partner understands this, it can do wonders for your self-esteem and your relationship, as well as strengthening connection and communication. 

So, my question is this? Do you fully understand your partner's environment - and does your partner understand yours?